TALES FROM THE NUTCASE RACE

By Wendy Simms

N-I-S-S-C-C-O-T-U. Otherwise known as the Nutcase Intercontinental Single Speed Cyclocross Championships of the Universe. You heard me – the universe.

No, we were not officially sanctioned by the UCU (“Unione Cycliste Universale”), but singlespeeders are a rebel breed and it was Hallows Eve so we went ahead with it.

Besides, without official sanctioning we were able to use the banned open fire pit jumps, the half kilometer Le Mans start, fireworks, socially unacceptable costumes and the “10 pack” set of barriers that were not up to UCU code.

Some cursed it, others loved it and some just dressed up and took their beating like superheroes. This is their story….

RACE #1. BEGINNER MISH MASH GEAR’D RACE

All those who could not (multiple gears), or did not want to (too chicken?) participate in the NISSCCOTU singlespeed main event were relegated to the first race of the day.

A smaller showing suggested many regular beginner and intermediate racers might be saving themselves for the big event. That, or perhaps they needed to get home early to catch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre marathon on TV. Hard to tell.

The race started with a bang – literally. Race director Norm Thibault lit the first Cherry Bomb of the day at exactly 11 a.m. and the beginners started their 500m run across the field to their bikes, dodging cow patties the size of Chucky.

Rob Williamson (Braveheart) took the holeshot and never looked back, picking up the Lighthouse Le Mans beer prime, the 1 ¼ lap SaltSpring coffee prime, the 22min beer prime and the win. Not too shabby.

Behind him, Aaron Grant chased valiantly but continued to lose time and had to settle for second while Hugh Fletcher, owner of the property, legend, and official stoker of the fire pits rolled in third.

On the XX side of things, the Lighthouse Le Mans beer prime was won by Michelle Lantaigne (Wicked Witch of the West) but the effort proved too much as Charlene Stewart surged ahead soon after to take the 1 ¼ Saltspring Coffee prime and continued on for the win.

The determined witch had to settle for second. Meanwhile, pretty little Katie

Duncan Rabien (Blades of Glory) in her hot pink ice queen outfit won the hearts of the crowd (and the Best Costume Award) as she triple-axle’ed her way through the course with her pony tail bouncing and a smile plastered on her face.

RACE #2. KIDS RACE

A Halloween grab bag of kids started the high noon event. Kids bikes. Dirt jumpers. Mountain bikes. BMX bikes. Rigs had everything from moto fenders, to training wheels to spoke beads.

Ages ranged from 6-15, with 9 and up doing two laps of the modified course and sub 9 doing a single loop. Although some kids were having such a great time they just kept going…. Until you waved a prize in their general direction and the brakes were slammed on. Nothing stops a kid in their tracks faster than free schwag.

RACE#3. Nutcase Incontinental Single Speed Cyclocross Championships of the Universe.

As the racers were undergoing the final check to make sure their rigs were singlespeed compliant, gasoline was being poured on the fire pit jumps behind them.

A small child from the kids race was heard asking “but couldn’t they DIE?!” as her daddy passed the Oak Bay Bikes check and headed off to the start line in the distance.

Meanwhile, Roman candle alley was being choreographed by pyrotechnic specialist Stephanie Tarver and the wind was picking up.

The sun glistened off the 2008 World Singlespeed Cyclocross Champion Drew MacKenzie’s golden speedo. The crowd was bedazzled by its beauty (or high on gasoline fumes we are not sure).

The racers started their long trek across the field on foot, picking up their front wheel half way.

Young Matt Dawes (OBB Fairy Princess#1)  looked to be a sure win for the Lighthouse Le Mans beer prime BUT he picked up the wrong wheel and had to backtrack.

Mike Murphy readily took the prime from Dawes but it would prove to be the

nail in the coffin for him (along with his overgeared mountain bike) as he would steadily slip backwards after the effort.

Once Murphy was shed, it was a duel of the speedo kind when Norm Thibault (Rainbow Speedo) tried to break away from the Golden Speedo and had a wardrobe malfunction as his oversized rainbow got caught in his saddle.

MacKenzie then did the Golden Speedo proud and rocketed around the course like the World Champion he is to secure the 1 ¼ lap Saltspring Coffee and the win, making it look easy.

Behind him a core group of costume clad racers chased to no avail, including, Russell Anderson (Strongbad), Thibault, Steve Bachop, Dylan Tremblay (Don Juan, Spanish Logger), Jeff Reimer (Parksville Cougar), Peter Stevenson (Laid off Hydro Employee living the Dream) and James Cameron.

As the course took its toll, the poor gearing choices became apparent and the costumes began to disintigrate, the group split up with Bachop taking second and Strongbad taking third.

Unfortunately for those podium boys, the coveted Nutcase Helmet prizes were awarded unconventionally to the 4th place winner (Tremblay) and 11th place winner Roland Rabien (dressed as pre-pregnant Wendy Simms).

In the women’s category, it was a battle of the babes as Joele Guynup (Flashdance) and Kristenn Magnussen (Supergirl) were within hair pulling distance for most of the race.

Although Magnussen took the Lighthouse Le mans Beer Prime and the 1 ¼ lap Saltspring coffee prime, in the end, it was Guynup’s insider golden speedo communiqué that helped her pull away for the Nutcase NISSCCOTU Superstar edition helmet.

Unfortunately the rest of the field splintered behind them leaving only three more officially ranked riders giving Glenowyn Carlson (Prom Queen) and Charlene Hay the 4th and 11th (modified to 5th) place Nutcase helmets.

Of special note was Amanda Wakeling (Circus Chicken) who won the Runner-Up Best Costume Award and opted to do a lap on her singlespeed unicle!